you have nothing to prove. if you are wondering if what happened counts, if you have the right to be affected by it, I promise that it counts. you are allowed to experience all your feelings about it - the clear ones, the nebulous ones, the messy ones, the dissonant ones that you don’t know hot to fit into the narrative. you don’t owe anyone a perfect narrative. it can be all too easy to feel like you’re doing survivorship wrong somehow, and that if you slip up in any way, it won’t really count.
I promise that you count.
You have nothing to prove.