Though it has been over 30 years, you have let what happened define you as a person. It is now time to “let go.” Literally, let go.
What happened is not your fault. You didn’t ask for it. And you definitely didn’t deserve it.
You need to remember that you are above what happened. It is time to be free from the pain that has shadowed you most of your life. It’s time to be free and fly.
You need to forgive (yourself) and forget.
Spend the rest of your life with a lighted heart. Be happy. Be successful. Be confident. And love yourself. You deserve to be loved. You are loved.